Finally the long awaited day is here. After checking-in 24.4 kilograms of luggage –maybe we should say 24.4 kg of discomfort fuelled by the fear of being forced to open your bag jam-packed full of stuff like tetris, trying to defy the Law of gravity – you are ready on your way to the place that will become home for the next 9 months.
Erasmus: a word full of adventure, youthfulness, vitality which however could have a negative connotation in the context of romantic relationships. But you want to put an end to this old legend and stay confident that, in your case, you will not let anything bad happen. It is not the first time you have turned a deaf ear to what people say. So, stop thinking about it and put the Alaska’s song “A Quién le Importa” (Who cares, in Spanish) at full volume and start reading our article. In Hablamos (We talk, in Spanish) we want to give you the tools to keep the flame of your love burning fiercely.
In spite of the fact that distance can become an obstacle, it is time to accept the new challenge life has in store for you. Under difficult circumstances, it is always better to look on the bright side. Not everything is about disadvantages; long-distance relationships can bring other positive things into that relationship. They make possible to leave our daily routine behind and meet our lover in new places; to get to know each other in a different way and to enhance values within the relationship such as responsibility, trust and independence. One way or another, it cannot deny it takes more commitment and maturity than in non long-distance relationships, but it will be worth the effort in the long term: beating distance can strengthen your bond.
That is enough chatter! Let’s get to the point. In order to start, willingness – where there is a will, there is a way – on both sides is required. Furthermore, mutual confidence and respect cannot be lost along the way.
We have not addressed anything new so far, right? Nevertheless, if there is an aspect we should pay particular attention to it is COMMUNICATION, the star ingredient to make our long-distance relationship work. Do not restrict yourselves to chatter away, hit the gas to get even further. In order to make up for the lack of physical contact with your partner, you will have to add a special sauce to the recipe:
1.Introduce the communication factor in your daily routine. Make room for the two of you on a regular basis by choosing a time that fits well with your respective routines. It also requires a certain amount of flexibility, given that something unexpected could come up (whether it is related to studies, leisure-time or work) in our everyday lives. If this happens, respect each other’s daily schedule and tell each other about it earlier.
2.Keep in touch. Never before has distance been such a good friend of intimacy. As paradoxical as it may sound, the kilometres that separate us are no longer a problem thanks to new technologies. We recommend that you use video calls, since the combination of image and sound on live allows for more intimacy. You can also use other methods such as normal calls, audios and messages via WhatsApp.
Hold on! Even though you will have the power to connect right away with each other and communicate instantly, do not overdo it. Best not to end up in ER because of an overdose of communication. When we talk about ‘A couple’, we are talking about TWO people who are together. Therefore, we must respect and promote taking time for ourselves. It will unlock the door for moments of disconnection.
3.Creativity in charge. Communication goes beyond a superficial conversation:
– Content: Enjoy the variety. Apart from your daily anecdotes, do not forget about sharing your thoughts and expressing your feelings. Always save time for the flirting games that water the seeds of your love. Your partner must feel your warmth despite the distance and therefore feel loved. Long-distance relationship need to be freshly nurtured day-in and day-out.
– New ways: Innovate. For example, why not surprise your loved one with a special letter or a gift box? Nothing is irrelevant. Magic is in the smallest details.
– Actions: there is no point in just intentions if they do not go hand-in-hand with actions. Manifest and attest that you are looking forward to seeing each other with your actions by planning future dates.
4.Sayonara misunderstandings! Do not wait for this to happen again, anticipate. Speak clearly and avoiding any ambiguity. Bite your tongue when addressing trivial issues that can cause the other person to blow a fuse. Do not let yourself erupt! Let the storm pass. As a matter of fact, maintaining a conversation at the peak of the anger episode will not bring you closer to a solution. Once calm returns do not let it go and try to settle the argument as soon as possible.
Caution! Avoid ‘airing dirty laundry’ that belongs in the past as it is no longer part of your present. Focus on the current problem by sticking to the facts and expressing your personal thoughts by means of sentences beginning with I – avoid accusations and call upon your own personal experiences exclusively – whilst showing you mutual respect.
Do you like reading more about the topic? Then put on your swimming trunks and dive into the other articles that we have prepared for all of you.
See you soon!
P.S.: If you want to have therapy in English, you are welcomed at Alba´s. Click here to know more: https://www.albapsicologos.com/terapia-en-ingles/
Alba Psicólogos
Avda. Príncipes de España, 41 (28823 – Coslada, Madrid)
hablamos@albapsicologos.com 91.672.56.82
Images source: https://pixabay.com/en
Translation: Víctor López Virgós